The screen has a couple of pages open and I can see Badens face pocking from behind this one. It is odd to have it pop up like that. He works as an associate Professor at Southern Cross Uni in the Arts department. He was one of the lovely people there, that made re-entering education a joy instead of a terror. Egalitarian and open.....to a couple of strange Hares that bred way too much. He demands a lot but I would love to bring his rigour here. You could dismantle this place ideologically but there would still be something left. An experience intangible although supported by the structure but not really of it.
Read the biography of Goerge Harrison called Here comes the Sun. It was primarily about his spiritual quest. I'm not sure he was focusing on Krsna on his exit but maybe you don't necessarily have to to go back. Maybe Krsna wants you more than you want him. I mean the guy had more than half the world chanting hare Krsna. Thats gotta be a weird thing to do and then not commune with krsna at death? What do i know? The picture is way too big for my pea brain and when I struggle with it I get a head ache.
Meetings, meetings, meetings, to accomplish? Stagnant inability to make stands. Get along with each other so we can along. I guess we are just watching time go by so might as well make it pleasent. The day is easy on me for now. The house is clean and the kids are happy and engaged. All is going on and there are no dramas unless there is one brewing as I write. Wouldn't be surprised but I have been trying that positive thinking thing. If I am a bag of hurt then I need to fix it. Whenever I see any one that looks like Vrkadar I feel trepidation. That guy brought pure hell to my existance and quite a few others. What Karmic resolution was that?
Been dreaming a bit about the mother. She isn't scary or even in control anymore. It is quite a break through for me. When I first started dreaming about her she used to be this huge spider devouring and invading. Now she is merely the partner she was supposed to be in this life we shared for a bit. She consummed me but I figure the dreams are evident of s tronger sense of self. This self thing is so darn painful. it's like looking into an abyss of unresolved emotion.
Bhakti Tirtha's disciples had a tribute to his passing yesterday. One of his disciples was telling us about Sunday classes he would give where he would be crying, every Sunday. Bhakti Tirtha was born in Cleveland in 1950 into abject poverty. He was educated at university due to a scholarship because he was particularly bright. He was first a humanist and then a spiritualist. That's what I got from him. That's the bit we lack in truck loads. So busy thinking about our own passage back to God head and forgetting each other. It's insane. All guru while we abuse each other to attain our goals in service. What are we thinking? And if humanism comes up it is poo pooed as some deviant distraction from the goal. And yet the Lord specifically says you haven't got a hope, guys if you can't get along with each other. What God did you think you were approaching? The God that belongs to you only.
So my kids are nearly grown and I am 44. Not long to go now and with my mobile giving me the ache it does, who knows when it will be. Am I ready.........nooooooo. But I want to be, so I am torn between this humanistic thing and Krsna as I know......intrinsically know, I am not going to get away with just meditating on the Lord and be blessed with a life free of human angst. No, no not me darling; humans have got loads of scores to settle and some of them are with me, no escaping it.
The fan offers no respite to the humidity. Poor Vishaka is at the Aircon free F........
We are talking weeks later. Life bumped me away from the key board. The key board acts as some kind of test and i retreat in haste.
Reading Edgar Allen Poe and enjoying it. Tried some Maupassant, however you spell it. The french are merely hedonists, not one moment of lucid insight. It was blah blah stories of petty village existence or the disgusting antics of the empowered. Maybe it is lost in translation but I suspect the Protestant movement of Britian invigorated the spiritual perspectives of the UK while Catholic Europe fell into spiritual malais and plunged into whole sale hedonism without remorse. I see nothing in it and am sorry I bothered with Guy's efforts. It appears evident in it's literature anyway but what do I know? nearly nil.
It seems all has settled here. The kids are happy and I shift into the office so I expect next term will be easy, on my voice box if nothing else. I lost a few octaves to that class. Sucih insists that I not raise my voice but it took me a year to feel the confidence to pursue that line of action. I lost a voice.
The Youngs may come over. Dhara gets here soon and shifts into Niscaitanya's place. Shaka will try to purge the misery that still clings to the walls. Nis fell into the blame game and hasn't quite seen the potential we all have to create our own misery. Misery is usually a self inflicted concept in our priveldged positions. Heavens! What have we to really complain of? Humidity; killer stuff. Job descriptions or schemes of work? I mean, this stuff is really soul pressing stuff eh?
In the mean time all is well as the Ganga rises and Poe poses prose I fell for as a girl.
Back to my sweet Lord and a few other diversion along the way.
No comments:
Post a Comment