Oh dang, my favourite new word. And I loath the intrusive and assumptive american spell check. I mean, pervert a language and then demand all others to do the same just cos you rule or rue the world.
So the meandering mind and its sensless wanderings. Painful only in perception. Heart strings and insults. Imaginings and reality. I thought I knew the difference but in hindsight, I think not. Time dwell not with thee.
I think I have got a hold on this migraine thing. I think that if I stop being a twat to myself and loosen up a little, you know, happy happy joy joy [oops, I made myself puke] then I might be able to control the daily headaches that inevitably escalate to fortnightly migraines. That is not a life. So what is? I am supposed to like myself or at least care and there by care for others. I feel myself slip into ignorant negative rhetoric. Eeeeek
Nature has been good of late. There is no dearth of sweet sounds and fresh air. Heaven. And then the sneaky sabotage that is the mind.
I have three subjects this semester. I am too gutless to do the four. All this reading and all this meaning merging so that I can't figure which subject is which. I mean, they should call cultural studies everything studies. What subject does it not cover?
God I love the vague; the vagaries of my mind.
Inlaws came today. I could have sworn my father inlaw was not that pleased to see me. I think that I instinctively affront his sense of what is right. He reckons the greens have destroyed the earth. I reckon it wasn't our fault. The education department set out to create us in the 70's and we can't help it if we are living out our conditioning. Planting trees was some kind of ritualistic experience for me as a grade two student. This is, after all, Brave New World, is it not?
They didn't tell me to Join the Hares. Not sure where that came from. Quite inexplicable to me even to this day. I'll figure that out but I really have no excuses. Gross dysfunction and a haphazard need for codependency? Perhaps.
I have to say, in all fairness I came out with something good but there is some processing to do yet before the "fruit is ripe" so to speak.
I remember trying to study on the farm and finding internal conflict having to engage with ideas that threatened the status quo so tightly held on the mind of the community. I feel more relaxed about it now.Not on the farm? You guessed.
Lalita will be studying too. Amber wants to start. Raga is. Is this some type of contagion? The unfair thing is the oldies care but the young ones have more brain power to get the deed done. If I could turn back time, I'd be afraid of the choices I'd make. I left them up to fate and I am hoping that my God had something to do with them because heaven help me I wonder sometimes.
And in the end the great Australian dream lives on. Dinner on the veranda, that is our word, and a swim in the pool. Oops, I'm wrong, it's a Hindi word. Cool eh? So where did patio come from? Bloody contrived if you ask me. Ahh, the Spanish, bunch of show offs. Give me a veranda any day.
