Radha , don't frett

Ok, slightly sedated due to pain so type errors are to be expected.
Was thinking tonight though lately have enjoyed forgetting the thoughts.
Dilema at trying to bridge the secular with religious. Out of my league and so I concede that I aught to thrust myself into to given commiment and hope for the best. Can't help my addiction to secular language and will probably not drop that for a while but I will try harder to reconcile conflicts.
Porr Radha is flipping out with my bitter rhetoric. It makes her cry. She neednt take this drama queen too seriously. i have after all been locked up in my room for weeks now though I do venture out now that the maid is here. I will never be able to go back to the life of a house wife unless of course i do not have to work full time. How do women in the work force not get seriously cheesed off. Work all day and then clean up after selfish lazy butts. Not to say my kids don't pull their weight but it's the little things that get you down. The communal things that they just don't feel obliged to do.

How is it a person feels the need to read 4 books at one time. I almost feel shocked that I am monogomous.
Reading Bhaktivinoda Thakuras autobiography today. Wikipedia is good for something. I like him a lot as he went through the whole western paradigm before embracing vaisnavism so i figure he is qualified. I figure it takes passing through the two worlds to really be quailifed to share with a peron bought up by the secularists. It is a tragically hard nut to crack and takes mountains of empathy. He had that empathy and compassion. He embraced us when no others did. He was in the association of Rabindranath Thakura. Anyway I like that he knew all the western philosophers of the time as to me it legitimises his choice. So many people are so quick to call this a mindless and sentimental cult when in fact there is much profundity within it but it is not easy to extract or I should say waiting for the revelations can be disconcerting at times. It seems our primary occupation is becoming qualified to recieve the bequest of revelation.

It is much cooler now and almost feels like an Australian summer. Livable. I can cope with the heat here if i keep the right attitude. I tell myself sweating perpetually is good for the system.

I ranted to vitriolic venom today about my pain regarding the establishment. it is almost like resnting a parent. The themes always repeat themselves.

Losing my mind to meandering though I could crap on till the cows come home though they never get let of their pens around here. Imagine neve letting a cow graze, too cruel.

Tomorrow I may venture out. I have some type of agrophobia. Always the potential mantal case.
I wonder when Bhaktivinoda Thakura looked from his veranda if it was us he saw that night.
silence.