'Friends'.... watched

Ok, I'll admit it. I have been spacing out to videos of Friends. I have never watched the show before in my life bar half an episode in Kolkata. Kolkata can drive you to desperation. And I know it is not the activity of the self aware or self seeker. hahahahhhaha, nooooo it is not. I don't think it even has plot. I wonder if any one has done a thesis on it. Taking the tiny moments in life, the insignificant and utterly meaningless ones and making a telly show about them that has a god damned religious cult following. There are people who were born after the show closed watching this stuff as if it sustained them. [Vrindy?] Thank you for the loan. [and the finger prints are not mine]

Sucih is horrified at the malais that has spread through the house as Vishaka and I disappear to corners of the building and merge with the luminous screens of our laptops. Vishaka has declared she hates school now. She must think life is as easy as it looks on the telly show. They did one show on income inequity. I mentioned this show and noted to her that the haves in the show went to uni. Ho hum. Could that be a telly lie, in this case I am afraid not. Unless you are a goer chances are no school relates to little brown envelopes with change in them. They round down in the low income arena.

Sucih reckons Johnny Howard, the pig prime minister of Australia, will cause some major terrorist dilema or other such attraction to reel in the voters. I reckon Johnny is over the job and can see the very nasty writing on the wall. His government has brought disaster to the country as all liberal governments do. They feed off the hard work in policy developement of the labour party while watching it slowly disintergrate in the reign of liberal neglect. Just a guess, I really know nothing of it. just want some one to blame for the $8 couliflower on sale in Coles.

But who cares any way, I am in Bengal and my only dilema is how to conquer my desire to never leave the house and the lack of funds that presently prevent me from visiting my opa in Germany. He is in his 90s so it might be nice to see him before his end though he seems to be a bit of a stayer. He ended up in an old peoples home after the death of his much younger wife and Lo and behold he has found a new female friend. Girl friend is too seedy a term for that age group though I don't doubt that they will be trying to enjoy as much as they can inspite of the age. So off to Italy for a holiday with friends and relatives while I stay in Bengal waiting for the highlights. I like to live vicariously. Actually my whole life is a vicarious one.

Well how I feel inside. Kinda wierd as I am living the life of the letter. all my close friends, [well as close as you can get with this nature and at this age] and relatives [I can pretty strictly say no close relos either] all live in other countries. So I type a lot. I am becoming less dependant on the hand flay to express myself though i did enjoy unmeditated witty expressions that dropped from my mouth. Either that or I had generous friends who occasionally laughed at things I said. It is not quite the same on line.

Oh, and [redacted] the blog. How can i make my life seem so insanely fantastic. Dunno, I'm a bloody celibate in West Bengal. It's just not going to happen. It is all transience and transcendance, sweet breeses and devotional melodies. Ambient air and the yodelling of the pilgrims. No shortage of atmosphere but it isn't the world I was born into. So there is inevitable conflict due to the habitual nature of a recumbant, slightly stagnant aging middle aged mother of four, in the Hare Krsna's.

My cousin reckons my grand father no longer cares that I am a hare and is just stocked that I am still married with four kids to the one guy. Well that is a bloody miracle but quite frankly, I only did it to spite my mother. She wanted me to live true to myslef and do as she did. Now this is not a sordid sight so I will spare you the details. Oh, she had the kids but no sooner did they start breathing then she would start devising means of disposal. In a spasm of honesty she once admitted she would have been best situated as a concubine. I think her mother failed to give her any kind of moral training. Her mother was from Berlin and my mother was born during the war. Any guesses what that could mean? I think the term Bohemian comes from that district and I will grant you that is a rather tame expression for the actual life that these people lived. But if you like your morals to blow like the wind then Berlin is the place for you.

Back to the placebo life while waiting for death. Friends........ahhg i know it's lame but some credit for the honesty?
I do good things too, like wash, let me qualify that, I wash my body. I look at the sky, I even sat in the sun yesterday. Hey I was brought up to be a bum coming from a long line of bourgeois bums. Actually the bourgeois worked bloody hard to fake not working but the offspring got the wrong impression. That being me, and thought life was one big sailing ship and if i wanted to do nothing all day then i bloody well could if I wanted to. Wrong message for a kid to get. So I remain to this day, a culturally conflicted adult. Torn between aught to and want to. I guess it's nothing new.

Do I need a photo?