I FORGOT

Can’t sleep though I think I want to and of course, the lap top does what it wants to as does Srimati’s antiquated key board that kills me with frustration. It’s only good point is, it is not ingrained with filth as are the Indian Key boards.
Vishaka has come down with what we suspect is the mumps. Rasa rani now has the mumps and Typhoid and with love gave shaka a big hug before leaving Mayapur. So when this fever dies down, excuse the rotten pun, I shall take her to the hospital to check for this typhoid thing that I know nothing of bar that people die of it.
It’s crazy being here. I can not abide any politics, local or otherwise. I rant at the irrelevant nonsense on the telly and amuse myself with the evident contradictions that no one seems to be noticing. We head into full stream recession which I am willing to bet will go into a major depression and the government……. the government, comes up with the genius idea to hand out money to the poorest and there by, silliest so they can spend it so, bringing happiness to industry and ultimately, the tax coffers; all for what? To continue the enslavement of man to consumerism so as to facilitate a few who gruesomely stand by and watch having lost the novelty of consumption and now gloat over the next conquest, control over those still addicted to consuming or struglling to abnegate the awareness that they, in fact, can not do so. All this while I hear Vishaka, fretting in her sleep and I worry that this darned thing is bloody Typhoid.
Of course, our darling Srimati fears technology and refuses to get broad band, the net is down and I can not research typhus. I can’t post this whine either.
So we hit a recession. I guess that is as a good a reason to be back here as ever as when it really hits the west it will be like shit on the fan for the east. India will be decimated, but that is just my view. Maybe they can wear it and become the Brave New World. There is a laugh. All they really need to pull it off is some fresh air and maybe some public bins…….eh? I mean I like the frantic randomness. I like the manic, disabled, edginess but gees guys, does it have to be so bloody filthy. Have you no regard for your mother earth? You piss shit and spit at random, you throw your garbage in the river without a care. Christ, you toss your dead and live babies in the waters that feed the next village. I think the rules you may once have had to ensure public health are just a tad muddled and religion got mixed in with blatant foolishness. Oh , I forgot, your solution was to put more crocodiles in the river. Gee, what a darned good idea.
Well, I guess you can see that I probably need to sleep as I am criticising my holy cow, India. I am resentful just now as I had a bad trot there with a few folk that live by a different code of ethics. I watched an Australian comedian tonight by the name of Adam, I forgot, but God he was funny. So damned Australian and I so needed it. He understood it as we do. This Indian smarmy political bullshit that is simply a veneer for mafia like mentality, wreaks of hypocrisy; it makes full time harsh faced cussing Aussies look like saints, humanitarians and , get this, geniuses; that’s right guys, geniuses. We are a smart bunch. I just wasn’t smart enough to know that I didn’t need to leave to get it. I don’t regret going. It blew my mind but I stayed too long and it proceeded to fracture my heart. When I watch the news now and see any human tragedy I struggle to prevent the tears. I don’t think anyone around me knows how bad I feel inside and I don’t think any of them could understand. I am trying to figure it out. Is it long term grief accumulated by a collection of things?
We moved to West Bengal, we taught and worked really hard. We dreamt and hoped but we were usurped, undermined, maligned, slandered and in the end a coo finished it off. We lost the school. We lost our children’s safe education. We lost a home, a car and our health. Hey we even lost a couple of Gurus. One to politics, he favoured it over his relationship with Sucih, he being PVS. And Jayapatak was devastated by a stroke that will have him crippled for life because no one cared to care for him. Maybe they tried but it seems, not bloody hard enough. He can’t even breath on his own and some of his ungrateful god brothers think this is some type of symptom of spiritual inferiority. Christ, is nothing sacred amongst you guys. You’d tear each other up just as soon as gnaw on each other’s bones. Descendents of rackshasa and Indians, well what resides there now, what ever they have descended from it lost its grace long ago. Hey Pramamanjari. Just wave those cheques about and the world is at your finger tips. You can even judge us if you have enough dough. Hey, do you believe in Karma by any chance?
I do , so I bow down and thank the lord for caring for me and giving me enough pain to know that I am alive which is a something because though there are a few funny live wires in Aus with God given intelligence, quite a few of them are asleep, permanently. It really is too peaceful here to do anything else.
Oh, and the colic I got somewhere between here and Kolkata. What happened in that restaurant called Fire and Ice? Or was it the plane? Or is it the lota I drank from that Gauranitai had used. He has some cronic intestinal fluke that has troubled him a lot. Bargh.
I went into an op shop looking for a top for shaka. Can’t seem to keep away from lace and silver bicky trays. Homless and hopeless eh?
I’m thinking heaven in the foot hills and an old cottage with a bit of wear that can handle us. A seriously submissive partner would make it all perfect. One power trip from him and he can ………well you can imagine what a girl might say after the shit I have been through. I do not need any more bullshit form anyone. For me, he was one of the main contenders. What an obnoxious bastard he was in the office. Such grave contempt he had for me and why? stress or an innate sense of superiority? In a moment of generosity I would say we think differently and even be glad of it, but I think it really amounts to a pricks mentality and I am sure it will resolve itself. I certainly will not take any more of it. One hint of mister prick and it is prick loka.
hey, I edited my words for the sake of a few. Sorry. Must not be too tired when writing but hey, I don;t think the kids read it.
No worries, we shall have trees to gloat over and Radha can figure out her gravy train ride out of here.
Too bitter now. Not constructive at all. Wanted to vent I suppose. Must find that great word to name my blog. You, or should I say I will love it.