shite....... forgive me my trespass as I....

Well, you really got to wonder who reads this. I got my first hate mail the other day and it quotes my blog to verify my hate worthyness. Gees, sorry guys. I didn't mean to hurt you or your kin. I get mighty precious and oh so rightous; it reflects my weakenss. I fear my kids following my long lost relatives misdaventures and they had a few. I am the product of one of those misadventures. Nothing like living the life of unwanted progeny. But it is neither here nor there. I do get my nickers in a knot about life style bacause we implicate ourselves through it. It's a tricky thing and again I apologise for being the insensitive, judgmental prig that I am. Forgive me.

It appears, I am incapable of friendship too. Well that is subjective and I figure freindship is a two way street. I can't really define that one. Sorry again, if I appear to have failed anyone in that regard. It is purported I have failed many. I will try and study this freindship thing more closely to better understand, what is exactly required of me.

I have been inspired by the thought of misanthropy, but I am sure that will fade, being intrinsically foolish at heart.

Too wordy , word, word, word, word. Just too wordy .

They bopped us one mean and good, and some enjoyed it just for fun. Some thought, "gees, get her while she's down and no one really cares" Eh? Is that how it goes? Or maybe the one where someone goes, " I made freinds with you because I thought you were in, and so now that you are out, I think i will let you know what a little **** you really are." I like honesty.

Eric Clapton has a song, No body knows you when you are down. I thought he was exagerating. Really thought these guys where inventing these experiences. Luckily I can crap on about it here.

I think it goes, No body knows you when your down and out. Well guys, it is pretty well near on true. And when you get back on your feet.......every ones wants to be your long lost freind. Ok shouldn't be too bitter here but do need to be more wary in future, lest I have to submit to some more of the advice.......in the form of hate mail. yuko. Keep it to yourself. No body wants to know how much someone else hates them. Awful stuff. We really need more of that in the world.

And Eric has another one where he goes, [it's playing in me ear this minute] "Before you accuse me, take a look at yourself."
No, the music isn't dharmic but neither is the subject matter. But my favourite is "Tears in Heaven." Remember guys, we will die one day and will we be happy with how we treated each other then? Having lost two old mates, I can tell you regret comes in truck loads. But I am not that smart. I don't even talk to my mother. But then, she doesn't talk to me either. That freindship thing again, two way.

While I listen to Eric, might as well listen to Layla original just for fun. Angst ridden adolescence to the tune of Layla. All gone now and I face the new phase of angst. The bit before you get really old and try to figure why it all happened in the first place. A woman fifty years old and wondering what to do with the rest of her days as her children no longer need her. Tears come down from her eyes, what can i do?

Been getting up early on occassion and facing a whole new pardigm never encountered before. Must be someone's prayers, as I certainly didn't do anything to gain any more insight. Figure it's a gift. That hard Stoic stance of tolerating the mind and finding it nearly redundant on occassion. Well mine is, cos all it ever did was get my knickers in a knott over things that in hindsight seem benign. The preverbial storm int he tea cup.

Moral high grounding. I will try to avoid it in future, it has been recently tried on me. I was, kind of aware at the time, but i figured I was coming from a genuine place trying to alert. I know our stories are our own, but we do create them. I had visions for the kids and they involved the least amount of burn. Learning from burning, speaking from experience, is tiresome, slow and more often than not, potentially dangerous. You can get lost out there. But then you can get lost in here too. But I do believe there is a process to gain a footing in sanity and it requires some application. These kids need to taste the alternative and If I have been prigish in my desire for this.......forgive me. I was a kid and there were no paremeters. I know all about freedom, too much of it. I watched those girls from good caring families with all those rules and restrictions and i would have given anything to have had that care. But it has to be full time, not spasmodic. Set a precedent and you spend the rest of your life fighting it.

Amber will be here soon with, rather large family in tow. Weather is good so all should be well.

And on that.......the nobody loves you song comes on again..........when you get back on your feet.............God, he is a great guitarist. And yes, if you are desperate to Krsnise it, he was best mates with George. Coping? Let the world in and maybe your world will be a nicer place. It's way bigger than you think. Good enough for God, oaght to bo good enough for us all.

All the kids are in Kolkata recording an album of bhajans. They are so excited.

Take care and don't hate the imperfections, it'll get you down.